We have a flasher on our hands. -Bartender Chronicles

It’s Friday night and the rain is coming down. Literally, buckets of water. At the end of the night I had to jump over a huge puddle of water. The shoes I was wearing didn’t make it any easier. More about that later…

I get to work and I’m told we have a dinner party at 8:30. Which will lead into a party until about 3:30. I had to be their server in the beginning. Half of the crowd was a vibe. The others not so much. I made that abundantly clear and I need to keep my thoughts to myself. Especially when I’m kicking myself later because I misjudged them completely. I entertained them and made sure they were good. I needed a minute to set up my station. Great discovery….. NEW LIQUOR!!

The crowd had to be about late twenties, early thirties. You can never tell these days. An attractive crowd, well dressed. Clearly, rich folks that rely on their parents to pay for everything. I heard a guy mention something of the sort. Anyway, one of the guys kept finding me asking me a ton of crap. This was after I told him who to go to. His nonsense went on the entire night. The twenty people ate and yapped until 10. The restaurant is now a club. I’m at my station. Debating on when should I eat this edible.

It started off pretty slow. The music was atrocious! It wasn’t the vibe for the crowd. I’m so thankful that I can control my own music in the back. Tonight I made it house music night. My area became so packed to the point that I had to stick my head out of the window. It was hot and stuffy. Sweaty body heat touching all over each other. I did have a few lightheaded moments. The head popping out the window happened a few times. I didn’t expect a head to pop back at me. Three to be exact.

As I’m reversing my judgment on this one guy. Who actually was the coolest person of the night. He introduces me to his girlfriend. We’re chatting and chatting. She’s a photographer and totally distracted me. They eventually go on about their business and I’m tired. The last hour wouldn’t budge. The crowd just kept coming. I’m now running out of everything. My busser was overwhelmed and I left him alone. Plus he was stoned out of his mind. Usually, us bartenders would slide out and visit each other for sanity purposes. That didn’t even happen. We made some crazy money though.

I eat half of this belt. It hits about 45 minutes later. The night is almost over, it’s still crowded. I’m high and want to cry. I stick my head out the window and see some randoms talking and smoking. They asked if I was okay. I mentioned that it was just hot and I needed to breathe. I get back to making drinks. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the window. It’s three dudes with their dicks out shimmying at me. Asking me to come outside. One even asked if I was doing anything after work. I was in utter shock and didn’t know how to react. Here in New York City, you’ll see this on the subway. At work though…. Damn!

They laughed and carried on like nine year olds. It wasn’t even funny. It became funny a few minutes later when I clapped back at them. I felt totally violated and was ticked off. I had to pause and give myself a minute. Part of me was ready to jump through the window and start punching. However, I’m trying to keep it professional. I like what I do. These three dudes are dancing together, flirting and being goofy. They are totally hammered and probably do this all the time. The first one walks in with the most goofiest grin. Staggering to the bar asking for water. I asked him if he thought he was funny. His response… “You didn’t like it?” The other dudes are laughing behind him. I replied with a laugh and “NO! How would you feel if you open a window and three pinkies are waving at you?” I looked and said… “Never mind.” They actually ended up being pretty cool. Dumb as hell but cool.

I did have to close their tabs. They were extremely generous and we exchanged contacts. They wanted to hang after this. It’s raining cats and dogs. Plus, it’s freezing and I’m underdressed. I may have messed up by giving them shots upon their departure. Oops! I guess the moral of this story is not to stick your head out of a window. You’ll never know what’s wiggling about. Don’t wear fancy shoes while jumping over water. The almost falling can be more damaging than actually falling.


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